29.06.18.

It has been 30 months since I gave birth to that little ray of light that warms my heart from the morning to the evening, and only now I can look back with clarity and understanding, and fully embrace the huge and complex process of becoming a mother.

It is really true the saying that with the birth of the child also the mother is born. That is something no one can prepare you for – everybody, including the new mom is mostly focused on physical body changes and the growing baby, waiting to meet this new creature. The Mom is immediately put into the second plane as the child arrives, and she deals all alone with the feeling of disintegration of her old self. Nothing remains the same – from the body to the mind and emotions.

Here is how I went through the process:

During the first months (even the first year) I was desperately searching for the familiar feeling of being my old self, trying to do and experience things in the same way as before motherhood. Juggling between the roles of being a mother, a partner, a yoga practitioner / teacher and a shala owner was sometimes overwhelming…

Then finally acceptance settled in - that efficient, organised, focused, succesfully multitasking old me was gone.
I started dealing with accepting this new person I had become – changed from inside out: older, softer, disconnected from the body, always worried about the baby (even when the baby was perfectly fine), emotional beyond words, unfocused, tired, desperate for my quiet meditative mornings or just those 15 minutes of ’me-time’ a day…

The third step, once I fully embraced all of that, was to start discovering the new me: under the ’weaknesses’ that were so hard to accept, I found a shiny, strong, compassionate woman, well rooted yet so much more heart opened and kind to all the creatures: the sparkle in my eyes comes from knowing unconditional Love, my touch is more caring and soft, my patience almost unlimited, and my strength can move mountains. 
I started to love this new me deeply, realising the magic and the sacred teachings of Motherhood…

So be patient and kind to yourself. Take whatever time you need to go through the process – remember that every woman is unique and no society can claim any limits and terms.

That change is inevitable, the path may be long and not always easy. But if you embrace this tranformation, your Spirit will shine bright, and your cup will always feel full!

FEW THINGS FOR AFTER THE BIRTH NOBODY TELLS YOU:

  1. You will feel lonely.
    No matter how many women are in your circle, still you will feel tremendously isolated, especially during the sleepless nights. Call out for help. Connect with women you love and trust. Don’t expect that they will automatically be there for you – especially your close ones will be focused on your newborn, not on your emotions and hormonal ups & downs. Find a breastfeeding buddy that you can call or chat with in the middle of the night, while doing the same thing – you both will feel mutually supported and laugh about your tiredness, instead of crying about it alone.

  2. Your hair will fall out.
    A lot. This will scare you and you will imagine the worst scenario of becoming bold. But it won’t happen - it will stop I promise. It will fall less if you continue to intake all the supplements you were taking during pregnancy.

  3. Don’t go clothes shopping during the first 6 months.
    The mirrors in the changing rooms are distorting your image even when in your skinniest phase, so you will get shocked by your posterior view. If so, don’t cry. Laugh and know that you will get back in shape. Not the same as before though, but with time you will love your new softness.

  4. Allow yourself to do whatever you want:
    eat in the middle of the night, do not practice yoga if it doesn’t feel right, do practice yoga if you feel so (but don’t push yourself too far too soon), abuse the sweets, stay unfocused for days, talk only about your baby / don’t feel bad if you do not want to talk about it at all…

  5. Only you can decide to brestfeed or not,
    and how long it will go on. You will know when is the best time for your baby AND you to quit, whether that is after 6 months or after 2 years or more. And if you feel that you or your baby suffer about the cut, allow yourself to take the step back and continue enjoying the breastfeeding bonding some more time.

  6. Do not follow dilligently all that doctors and nurses tell you, or tell you not to do.
    For example, strip your baby completely even in those first days (keep the room temperature around 23C) and enjoy the skin-to-skin contact as much as you can. It is very important for the little one, but even more important for yourself.

  7. If feeling low or depressed, breathe in the sweet scent of your baby’s hair. It feels like heart medicine!

  8. Most importantly – do not listen and believe all those advices everyone is freely showering you with. Be brave and follow your own intuition. You have it all in your DNA. Let it all unfold.

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